28 Oct, 17
Sex Tips & Tricks
The low down on combining sweet stuff with sex.
By Emmeline Peaches
The link between Halloween and the offering of sweet treats is a relatively recent affair.
Brought about as part of a ploy by candy companies to help boost their autumn sales, sweets for Halloween attached themselves to the also rather new habit of Trick-R-Treating, which became popular from 1940s onward. When first becoming widespread, trick-r-treaters were just as likely to get coins, toys, or home-baked goods for the spooky season. It wasn’t until the 1970s that candy was the treat of choice.
Now sweets are a Halloween essential and are pretty much here to stay and the average Jack-O-Lantern bucket can carry an estimate 9,000 calories worth of the treats and three pounds of sugar. Talk about a sugar rush!
Such a sweet treat is, no doubt, likely to leave most kids giddy (and hyper) with joy, but what about adults? What happens if you’re craving your Halloween fix of candied delights but want to take a more mature route?
Don’t worry – like a white sheet on all hallows ever we’ve got you covered when it comes to combining sweet stuff and sex.
A Word To The Wise
So, you want to have your cake and eat it too this Halloween? We commend your Halloween horniness, but do think twice about just how you mix these two delights.
If you’re thinking about satisfying your sweet tooth just before sex, or feeding each other sugary items in a seductive manner, then you’ll want to put serious consideration in to what sugary treats you use.
Sex is as much a logistical act as it is an act of passion and certain, shall we say, ‘bodily functions’ can be a serious mood killer.
Sugar (even those from fruits such as candied apples or plain bobbing apples) is incredibly hard for the body to digest, and too much of it can easily lead to bloating and excess gas. What’s more, too much sugar can also lead to head-rushes and a sense of nausea. Such side effects, once they take effect, hardly leave you in the ‘time to fuck’ mind set and, chances are, you’d rather just snuggle up and watch a horror movie instead.
You may be thinking that sweeteners are the perfect alternative to mitigate such ill-effects but they’re actually worst for you! Sweeteners such as sorbitol, mannitol, and xylitol cannot be naturally absorbed by the body. This means that when they go into the digestive system they ferment instead of being fully broken down and you know what that means? Gas galore. A definite sexual no-go.
Oh and, what’s more, sorbitol is typically used as a laxative, which isn’t going to be sexy unless scat is on your list of events for the evening.
Ice cream and other dairy-based treats are also best avoided (though these aren’t high up on the Halloween list anyway). Most people are at least mildly lactose intolerant and too much dairy can cause gas, bloating, stomach ache and other unpleasant results. Plus ice cream has sugar or sweeteners in it, for added disappointment.
If feeding each other, engaging in a trick-r-treater roleplay, or eating candy off of each other’s bodies is high on your agenda then you’ll need to pick your treats with care and keep things to a minimum.
Dark chocolate has a naturally lower sugar content and, as such, is a great Halloween candy of choice for lewd food activities. Try using chocolate buttons if you’re interested in small treats, or go for novelty shaped chocolate bars if you want to play around with the idea of sucking off Dracula before you consume your partner.
There are also ‘treat’ alternatives that you could easily consider. Popcorn, for example, is a great one to consider, and is also synonymous with watching scary movies, making it a great Segway food. It’s easy to feed to each other, can be minimally coated, and doesn’t fill you up or cause nausea too quickly. Plus the texture is very different to most other Halloween treats.
If texture and sensation does interest you then you can even play around with varying or mixing the warm melting sensation of dark chocolate and the firm crunch of freshly popped corn.
Alternatively you could skip out on conventional ‘sweets’ altogether and play with freshly roasted pumpkin seasoned with nothing but cinnamon. We’ll let you decide how to add it to your play sessions…
Another incredibly important factor to consider when mixing Halloween sweets and sex is personal hygiene.
Our bodies (and especially our genitalia) are quite durable, and the vagina is a self-regulating system, but put stress on its natural bacterial flora and you may find yourself with a trick rather than a treat.
Sweets and food, no matter how they’re being used in sex, should not come in to direct contact with the genitals, and especially not the vulva/vagina. Urinary tract infections are a thing and they’re easily triggered by honey, sugar, xylitol, or other types of sweetner and carbohydrate.
The idea of drizzling the lastest pumpkin spiced syrup over your partner’s genitals might have an allure to it, but it’s not worth the burning sensations, abdominal pain, shivers, disorientation, and potential kidney infection that a UTI can cause.
If you simply must know what mashed up pumpkin or fake blood feels like when applied to the genitals then do so through a sexual barrier, such as a sexual (dental) dam, and make sure that it is thoroughly secured. If any contact is made then stop what you’re doing and wash or wipe the area clean. Honestly, it’s hardly worth the hassle.
As a better alternative we suggest looking for a flavoured lubricant or massage oil that is specifically made for genital use.
Not all oral lubricants on the market are ideal for female users, so make sure that you use one that involves plant-based glycerine or strongly advocates for body-safety and a pH-balanced formula. Trust us when we say that such products are available on the market and they taste absolutely delicious!
For a comprehensive experience play with actual food on the rest of the body and then move to lubricants/oils when the time is right. For most people, the added variety will actually add to the sexual experience, all while protecting your body from any issues (genital or bowel-based).
Sweet treats and sex may not be a match made in heaven but Halloween is all about getting a bit devilish anyway.
Follow our instructions and you’ll be able to claim your treats in the most sinfully orgasmic way possible. Happy Halloween!
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