25 Dec, 17
Setting your sexual goals for the new year
You have sexual goals and we will help you to achieve them!
By Emmeline Peaches
We’re close approaching the date. You know it: January 1st. This is the date where everything changes. Where you take meticulous planning, done in the last week or so in the year, and use it to propel you forward with clear goals, renewed intent, and mega motivation…right? Well, not necessarily.
New Year’s Resolutions: Intent vs Reality
We all set New Year’s Resolutions with the best of intentions – just look at the resolutions themselves. Usually they involve things that benefit us or help us care for ourselves and others. Making healthier food choices is the number one New Year’s Resolution, followed by self-improvement, better financial decisions, and then things such as spending more time with family and friends, do more good deeds for others, learn something new, etc.
But, lamentably, although many people participate in the New Year’s motivational boost, that January magic doesn’t seem to last well. In one study only 9.2% of people confidently felt like they were successful in achieving their resolution (with only 8% actually doing so), and resolution retention drops from 72.6% in the first week, to 68.4% in the second, 58.4% after one month and then 44.8% by the six month mark.
For all the good intent in the world, the success rate of New Year’s Resolutions just aren’t in our favour.
Why Do New Year’s Resolutions Often Fail?
There are many reasons as to why a New Year’s Resolution might fail, just as there are many reason why they sound appealing.
As a species, we value milestones and the first day of a brand new year is one very enticing little marker to put a tab on in terms of future success.
But therein lies the first problem of New Year’s Resolutions.
According to Timothy Pychyl, associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario, ‘Right from the get go has failure and procrastination built into it’.
This is because you’re already saying to yourself, before you’ve even started, ‘Yes. I’m going to do this…but not just yet. Later. I’ll worry about it then’. And, as you might imagine, if you start with an attitude of delay then it tends to stay that way in the brain.
Another reason for resolution failure is that, in many ways, people make the resolution itself their resolution. The very act of starting a change becomes the goal and thus, once that first action is taken, then the mind considers the job pretty much done. No need to continue, you did it! – You started your resolution. Now to get back to the rest of that life stuff.
Then, of course, there’s the fact that many New Year’s Resolutions are more vague dreams and ambitions rather than actual goals with increments, planning, and progression points along the way. Many resolutions have the best intent but no tangible sense of action, and so there’s nothing that can really be measurably achieved.
Like a lubricant with parabens, glycerin, and spermicide, it’s a recipe for disaster.
What Does This Mean For My Sexual Goals?
Although the above mentioned survey didn’t have a category for it, we know that a lot of people make sex-based New Year’s Resolutions too. Perhaps it’s to spice things up in bed, increase one’s libido, masturbate more, or start doing kegel workouts.
All of these are great goals, and we feel like sexual goals are very important, but, as you can probably tell, they fall in to the resolution trap pretty firmly.
That’s not to say that you can’t achieve sexual self-improvement (even on January 1st) but we’re here to propose that there’s no need to wait for that New Year marker. In fact, it will likely hinder you to do so. If you want to find the ‘new sexual you’ then look no further than there here and now: This is the starting point.
Finding Your Sexual Self-Improvement in the Here and Now
You have a sexual goal and we want you to achieve it, no matter where and no matter when, so let’s get to work.
The best plans start with a strong intention, but action is what’s going to get you through those first few steps, not motivation, so it’s time to put pen to paper.
Get yourself a pad out and actually write your goal down. And, yes, we do mean goal. The best way to succeed at any new habit is to not go too hard, too fast, with too many different things. You wouldn’t go from taking medium dildos to upgrading to XL in one session while being taken anally and giving a blowjob to boot, so don’t load too much on yourself hoping it will all be achievable.
With that in mind, consider your one solid goal to be a long-term outcome, not the only thing you’re working towards. Take that goal and make it SMART – that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timed.
For example, if your goal was to increase your libido, you might consider taking that and instead saying ‘I am going to practice sexual exploration, once a week for the next 3 months at a time where I’m not necessarily aroused, paying attention to how I feel before and after, progressing to 3-5 times a week over the next year’.
From there you’d need to think about how you’re going to move forward with your goal, starting with that first 3 month interval.
This might involve strategies such as masturbating every week at a certain time of day when you know you’re not typically aroused. Say first thing in the morning or right after work. This prompt will help encourage a sense of regularity because it establishes a habit, and habits are the resolution hack towards success.
You could also put in support structures such as buying toys for the task or investing in a porn subscription. Buying gear, though not always guaranteeing success, is a big step for many because you’ve made a tangible investment.
Most importantly, once you have the plan in place you have to start, because you’ve got 3 months to complete that first segment in, and celebrating those smaller milestones along the way to your bigger one is critical to feeling like you’re achieving something. Achievement and a sense of self-growth are vital for the success of resolution, and feeling like you’re progressing will keep you progressing, so always celebrate the small wins.
And finally (and this is a big one) allow for some flexibility – not total flexibility, but some.
So many people have one day of failure and they let it derail their entire plan, and this is normal, but it’s not necessary. With a realistic plan in mind, you know that, deep down, one day won’t make a huge impact in the long-term, so there’s no need to beat yourself up.
In times of perceived failure just remember – a lapse is not a collapse and there is no failure when you’re got a SMART plan in place, just success or lessons that you can cater for.
And That’s All For Now!
When it comes to the specifics of your sexual aspirations and goals, we couldn’t possibly cover it all in one article but we do know this: A SMART resolution that starts right now not ‘when [this and that] occurs’ will help you achieve any sexual goal you have. Just makes sure it’s Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timed and you will have already set yourself up for sexual success.
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