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How to have sex when your kids are in the house

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How to have sex when your kids are in the house

Sex tips for couples with kids (living at home)

By Rebecca Dane

If you thought you were busy before having kids… your sex life might be lacking after you had kids. It’s not your fault – kids take up a lot of time and emotions and energy. However, it is still important to make time for yourself and your partner. Your kid is your priority, but that also means providing them with non-burnt out, non-frustrated parents.

If you’re struggling to have sex when your kids are in the house – the below tips are for you. When we talk about sex, it doesn’t have to be penis-in-vagina sex. We’re talking about anything that makes you both feel good when it is just the two of you.

 

1. Make Time for It

The number one issue with trying to have sex with kids in the house… is that you need to find time to have sex. It’s not even just about finding time for the act of sex – you need to find time to have intimate moments together. Continuing to be intimate with each other, and purposefully finding ways to spend time together, is essential for your relationship and your sex life.

If you can find a way to connect on a regular basis, then you’ve mastered the number one trick. You can plan to go to bed at the same time each night (instead of falling asleep on the couch/in front of Netflix). You can skip out on nightly chores and head to bed together earlier than usual. You can send your kids to sleepovers or to relatives. You can organize a lunch break rendezvous. It’s up to you – just make sure to plan time where it’s just the two of you being intimate (even if that just means cuddling – because there is nothing more rejuvenating than an excellent cuddling session).

 

2. Teach Privacy from a Young Age

If you have been letting your kids into your bedroom and bathroom and shower for years, then how are you doing to set boundaries when you actually want privacy? Once your kid spends the night in their own bed, you should teach them to respect closed doors. It might seem easier to let them in to the washroom, etc., but in the long run you’re not going to be able to have a moment of peace and quiet. You don’t always want to be in fear of getting caught because your kid never learned when to knock.

 

3. Practice Being Quiet

As a teenager, if you ever snuck anyone into your room – then you know there can be a certain thrill to being as quiet as possible. As we grow up and get our own places, it can be hard to relearn how to stay quiet – but it is a skill that will get you far.

Make sure your bed isn’t too squeaky (and fix it if it is). See if you can turn on the radio or playlist without raising suspicions. Then stay quiet.

This can be a fun experiment to try out different positions and locations to find one that works the best for you. If your bed is squeaky, then trying a new position where you’re bent over a chair can make things quieter and more interesting.

Don’t look at it as a chore or an obligation – look at it as a way to be inventive or challenge yourselves (like whoever makes the first noise has to treat the other person for your next date night).

 

4. Change Locations

If you can move your baby or toddler, move them. Naptime can be in a different room – you’re not a monster for moving them so you can have some time with your partner. You both need to make sure your needs are being taken care of too –sexually and romantically.

If your toddler ends up in your bed every night, then move yourselves. There are plenty of other spots in the house for you to use like the shower or the couch or the office.

Basically, if your kid is in the same room as you… change it.

 

5. Get Rid of the Guilt

There are a lot of emotions when you have kids, and a lot more emotions when you feel like you’re being selfish. If you hire a babysitter, or send them on a sleepover, or even plop them down in front of the TV – it’s okay. If you and your partner get to spend intimate time together, you’ll both be happier, and that will be evident in all of your family interactions. Spending time just the two of you will be beneficial for your kids. You want to maintain the connection with your partner, and part of that connection is making time to have sexual relations. Get rid of the guilt – you’re allowed to experience pleasure as a parent.

 

Sex while being a parent can feel like a heavy task, but it doesn’t have to be. Putting it back into your routine, and making small changes to make it easier, can lead to it feeling like a good thing, rather than something you have to do.

Any tips for other parents? Let us know!

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