20 Jul, 18
Sex Tips & Tricks
How to avoid cheating on your partner
8 tips on resisting the temptation.
By Rebecca Dane
Sometimes it seems like everyone is always cheating on everyone else. Single friends hook up with married people, married friends hook up with different people, celebrities break up relationships or work through it… it’s everywhere! Just because it seems to be everywhere, still doesn’t make it right! If you’re tempted to cheat, or if you have a history of cheating, check out this list for ways to avoid it in your current (or next) relationship.
1. Define Cheating
First things first, in order to avoid cheating, you need to find out what is even considered cheating. Some people care about emotional cheating, some care about physical cheating, and there are huge ranges within those categories. Some people think any physical display of affection is cheating (hand holding, a quick peck on the lips, etc.) and some people think it’s only cheating when genitals are involved. It really depends on what you and your partner believe in.
You need to have a conversation about this in case you are on two totally different pages. If you think making out is okay, and your partner doesn’t… you’re going to need to clarify that before you start making out with other people. Get on the same page as soon as possible (pretty much right after your “exclusive” talk would be a good time to get on the same page).
2. Commit To It
Easier said than done for some people, but if you don’t want to cheat… don’t! Commit to not breaking your relationship rules and take the commitment seriously. Of course sleeping with other people can be a lot of fun, but you know what’s not fun? Breaking your partners trust in you (and their heart at the same time). If you don’t want to hurt your partner by cheating on them, commit to not cheating on them and then follow through on that commitment.
3. Date Someone You Trust
Trust is a very fickle thing. Sometimes you trust people right away, and sometimes you really have to work at it. Either way is totally okay – but you should trust the person you are dating (or at least be working on it). If you don’t trust them, then it is easier to be jealous and mistrusting – two emotions that can easily lead you down the path to cheating. Date someone you trust and respect, and avoiding cheating will be significantly easier.
4. Discuss Non-Monogamy If That’s Your Thing
If you aren’t a monogamous person, or if you don’t believe in monogamy, then your partner should know this. If monogamy is really not natural for you, then don’t pretend like it is for the sake of your partner who wants to be monogamous. If you want to be monogamous but your partner is polyamorous, then don’t force them to change for you. It is better to realize up front that you’re on different pages, than to hurt each other later on.
5. Don’t Get Stuck Being Bored
Cheating can be really exciting. Someone new wants to be with you, and that can feel very flattering. The risk of doing something you know you’re not supposed to do can get your adrenaline going pretty quickly.
However, your relationships should be covering some of those bases. Obviously, it’s not someone new – but it doesn’t mean that your sex life or dating life has to be boring, monotonous, and adrenaline-free. If you find yourself searching for a rush of excitement elsewhere, consider what you might be able to change at home first. Maybe it’s putting in more effort, maybe it’s trying something new or having wild sex on a hotel bed – or maybe it’s just not working. If you’re searching elsewhere for excitement, consider why that might be.
6. You Can End Things
It is okay to end a relationship that you’re no longer feeling good about. Having the desire to cheat is a really big red flag, and sometimes that red flag is a marker for not being happy. If you’re not happy, and you’ve tried to work things through, then it can be okay to let go.
Do your partner the service of not tagging them along while you chase other people.
7. Avoid Easy Cheating Scenarios
If you find yourself consistently tempted to cheat in a certain scenario or with a certain group of friends, then remove yourself from that situation. If you are having a hard time resisting (but you’ve committed to not cheating) then the best solution is to avoid being in easy access to temptation. It could just be temporary, or it could just be that you can’t control yourself around certain people or locations, so you need to permanently stop. Often, this means going out for drinks with a group of friends who encourage cheating (and cheat on their partners themselves). If you notice this behaviour and you feel like you need to be part of it (or maybe you’re used to leading this behaviour) then change what you’re doing by just not being in the situation.
If you’re in a situation where you feel very tempted – call a trusted friend to confide in. They can help you deal with your emotions without making you feel guilty or tattling on you.
8. Think of Long-Term Consequences
Cheating can be fun in the moment, but people often lose sight of the long-term consequences of actions. Assume you’ll get caught, and work with that image in your head. Assume you’ll hurt the person you’re in a relationship with. Do you want to lose your partner? If you’re cheating, there is a huge risk to losing them. Thinking about the consequences of your actions can be a big deterrent.
The biggest tip for avoiding cheating is to not cheat. It can be tough for someone who is used to doing what they want, but if you don’t want to, then you simply don’t do it. Remove yourself from situations that make it tempting, and commit yourself to your partner (or partners, if that’s what you’ve agreed upon).
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