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Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

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Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Submission/Sadism, Machosism. Some great tips for a beginner.

By Rebecca Dane, A Couple of Kinks

Before heading into the world of BDSM, or maybe before heading further into the world of BDSM, there are a few basic things you should be aware of. It’s possible that you read a book or saw a Hollywood movie that jump-started your desire to try out new things. While it is wonderful to explore different scenes, Hollywood doesn’t provide the best example for how to delve into BDSM. There’s a lot more to the world of BDSM, so we’ve provided a few tips for you to start.

 

Explore One Thing at a Time

BDSM is a whole world of possibilities. There are so many different options of acts and scenes to explore, that it might seem overwhelming to begin with. We suggest picking one thing to explore at a time. This might mean spanking or sensory deprivation or anything else. Focusing on one thing to explore will help you become a mini-expert in the topic and allow you to feel more comfortable exploring it deeper. Learning about one thing at a time is a great way to start exploring BDSM.

 

Research

Once you’ve chosen what you’re going to focus on, you need to research the hell out of it. If you’re interested in spanking, you need to read about different spanking implements, and different parts of the body and how to warm up the skin and how to provide aftercare. There are so many aspects to each act that you need to become familiar with it. There are many guides available online to get you started.

If you aren’t sure what you want to start exploring, then make sure to research different possibilities. Research can include reading sex blogger experiences, looking through guides or watching porn videos that feature some BDSM acts. Once you’ve discovered something you might want to try, start researching it in more detail.

 

Communicate!

Communication is the most important section of this starter guide.

First, you need to discuss trying out something new with your partner, which will often include discussing the research you have done on the topic. You absolutely, 100%, always need to get consent from your partner to try something new. If they aren’t into it at the moment, maybe you can send them some of your resources for them to look over and re-consider. You should never pressure or convince someone to change their mind, but you can provide information to help them make an informed decision.

Once you’ve decided to try the new act, you need to discuss logistics and boundaries. This can (and should) include picking a safe word in case someone becomes uncomfortable during the scene. This will help out your communication during the scene to differentiate between a role-playing “no” and a real-life “no.”

After the scene, you need to talk about what worked and what didn’t work. You need to discuss how you both felt and if you would want to try it again in the future. You’ll learn a lot about BDSM by listening to your partner.

 

Set Boundaries

Before starting anything, you really need to focus on your boundaries. If we refer back to spanking, there can be a bunch of boundaries that go with it. You can talk about any positions that might make you uncomfortable. You can talk about whether pulling hair is okay or if spanking other parts of your body are okay. You can talk about if you want the scene to unfold into different sexual acts or if you just want to focus on spanking (this is a non-exhaustive list of boundaries). Being new to something means that you need to become as comfortable as possible. It is much easier to relax and experience new sensations if you aren’t worried about being uncomfortable or if you aren’t worried about what might happen next.

 

Props from Home

You don’t need to buy fancy items from a shop when you’re starting to test out new things. There are many guides online about DIY BDSM tools. For example with spanking, you can use the back of hairbrushes or a few things in your kitchen drawer. Trying out a new scene doesn’t have to be expensive. Please note that if you are inserting objects into your body, you do need to purchase something made of body safe material (and an anal safe flare).

 

Go Slowly

You don’t need to rush into anything intense. Just start off slowly and build up your comfort level and tolerance. If you’re spanking, then start gently with a softer-hitting instrument. If you’re trying sensory deprivation, then maybe try one sense at a time. It is better to try something slowly and get comfortable or adjust things, rather than rushing into it and it being a negative experience. Don’t hesitate to ask your partner to slow down or soften what they are doing.

 

After Care

After care is essential to BDSM. After care is basically time spent together after performing a scene. It is time to recover from the act, both physically and emotionally. There are different emotions that might happen during your BDSM session and those take time to recover from afterward. You should research more about the different type of subspaces and sub-drop to be prepared for your aftercare session. Talk about this before so your partner knows to stay by your side if that is what you need.

 

BDSM acts have gained popularity from Hollywood, but make sure that you’re not following their lead. Instead, research what you’re interested in and make sure to communicate about absolutely everything. Once you’re comfortable with one thing, you can always move on to the next! Enjoy!

 

Rebecca Dane
www.acoupleofkinks.com
@ACoupleOfKinks
 

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