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5 ways to increase sexual intimacy

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5 ways to increase sexual intimacy

These tips will help you to get you on the way to feeling closer than ever to your partner.

By Rebecca Dane

Did you know that intimacy can lead to a more positive mood and a greater sense of meaning in life? A study involving 152 American college students showed the relationship between intimate sex and increased positive feelings the very next day. The study showed that the intimacy of the relationship was a more important determining factor than just sex itself!

So how do you increase sexual intimacy? Here are 5 ways to get you on the way to feeling closer than ever to your partner.


1. Talk About Sex!

Yay for communication! Talking about sex can lead to a more intimate sexual relationship. Talking about sex instead of just doing it, allows partners to express their desires, their likes, and their dislikes to each other. Opening up about these preferences means you are choosing to trust each other with sensitive information and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Get past the dirty talk, and really, really talk about sex with your partner.


2. Remove Orgasm Goals

So many of us have this ingrained notion that sex ends when the orgasm happens, or worse… that sex is not good if there is no orgasm that happens. The orgasm has been turned into a “goal” and that can often be stressful and intimidating. Not to mention that focusing too much on an orgasm can cause you to miss out on all the good stuff that’s happening, or create feelings of shame if you do not have an orgasm. Remove “goal-oriented” sex from your repertoire and just enjoy being close to your partner. Does it feel good? That’s a good place to be.


3. Saying Yes or No

Busy schedules, different libidos, and daily stresses can really cause the frequency of your sex life to go downhill pretty quickly. We sometimes think out partner can read our minds for when we’re horny and ready to jump into bed with them and this can lead to frustration when they don’t make the first move. It’s important to verbalize your desires to your partner – and verbalize them in an enticing, non-demanding way. Similarly, if your partner is in the mood and you are not in the mood, learning to say “no” gently is important (and learning how to accepting a “no” from your partner gently too). If you seem disgusted or annoyed, your partner is not going to feel good about asking you again. If you seem really disappointed and upset if they say no to you, it does not create a healthy dynamic. Communication about sex is not just about what happens during sex, it has to do with every element of it – even if you’re not doing it. Be kind and considerate to your partner, and it will extend to your intimate sexual relationship.


4. Do Something New That’s Not Sexual

Developing intimacy does not just happen in the bedroom and it is something that needs to be built throughout all aspects of your relationship. Discovering each other is a huge contributor to feelings of intimacy. Doing something new together, as a team, can make a huge impact on how close you feel to each other. The excitement, the challenge, and the teamwork are part of what makes new activities fun. If you’re stuck in a bit of routine, choosing a new activity to try is a great way to reconnect, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. You should never stop learning about each other. 


5. Do Little Things Every Day

As mentioned, intimacy goes beyond just sex. Doing sweet things for your partner can help boost the feelings of intimacy, like being excited to see each other at the end of the work day, holding hands on a walk, kissing their forehead, etc. Each of these acts demonstrates how much you care for your partner. They are little things that go a long way. You don’t need to use your words, just small demonstrations can build a very solid foundation of intimacy. Sometimes a good cuddle is just what is needed.


Do you feel like intimacy is important in a relationship? Let us know how you work on intimacy if that is important to you.

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